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Words Do Matter Part 2

Blue isn’t just a color; it’s an attitude!

Pages 100-102 out of Finding Sierra are the words that help bloom the Blue Lips Don’t Care Experience. This experience was me taking control of a word, and not allowing it to control me.

Words do matter, especially the ones you say to yourself.

Some of the family had decided to link up seven months prior to spend some family time together and create memories. Kimmie was always my hype man, always boosting me up, which was just her getting me to appreciate myself.

 It was Saint Patricks Day, and I was downtown with KK and some of her friends. The pants were so lime green that Darleen, Kimmie’s little sister, said,?When you wear them, I’m going to be able to see you all the way from New York.? Yes, that’s just how bright green they were.

 This was so unexpected. This section should really be left blank because there aren’t any words that I could have typed to explain what I was feeling. This was my first sister. I remember I used to sit on the toilet seat for her just to warm it up. I love that I wanted to do that for her; it makes me smile. I could feel the essence of that little girl looking out the window. 

Love is definitely one of my superpowers. This is my first cousin, and at one point before my grandma dropped the bomb, she was the only sister I had. Patti always dressed us alike, her in blue, me in pink. I wanted nothing to do with this feeling at this moment; this would have been a perfect reason to disconnect.

 This could have been a chance where I could have been nominated again for the greatest actress of the year. We were not going to let it go down like that; I had overcome too much. I strived to get this far. How dare I give up on myself now when I could see all of these amazing things about myself that I could never see before. I have good problems now. I look in the mirror, and I’m often saddened by how I could not see just how majestic and complex I was.

 Just like that, we shifted the energy from that place of pain. I looked at it head-on since I was learning to channel my energy. I was learning that just because I felt crappy doesn’t mean I have to lower myself to match that energy. I learned that just because It feels like I can?t, I still can. I’m telling myself I can a lot more nowadays by pushing past my surface level, which is my emotions. 

We forget that we are spiritual beings in the flesh. You see more clearly when your reactions to a situation have been processed and not just felt. I’m learning a lot about what they told us we should not do is actually the very thing that we should be doing. You’re darn right, it was personal this time. We had forfeited so many things, and we didn’t even try most of the time. I just automatically counted myself out. Not this time around, I won’t stand in my own way any longer, hence why I hogtied and duct-taped that version of myself and put her in the corner. 

I’m learning to listen to my navigational system a lot more. I was cutting off every dead thing that aided in the (Made Up Stuff) belief of who I was not. No more just living life on the surface, riding every roller coaster of emotion. Instead, I took that feeling and turned it into an expression by learning from it instead of just feeling it.

 Blue has become a characteristic of courage, not just an emotion.

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